After 22 years of living outside my country of origin, I am a consummate traveler.
In fact, traveling is how I built my business and these days how I sustain relations with all my children and grandchildren… of which there are five and six respectively… scattered across the planet… living in Hokkaido Japan, Bali, Sydney, Karatha West Australia, until recently, Chiang Mai, Thailand and myself on Big Island Hawaii.
There would be a very small percentage of people who have traveled more than I have in my fifty odd years on earth.
So this experience I am sharing with you was particularly humbling and extremely instructional to my soul self… I’ve considered the occurrence at length and I want to share my observations with you… so you can laugh with me at myself… and maybe gain some insight into how powerful we are as humans, creating our experience to match our expectations ….Even those we successfully hide from ourselves on a daily basis.
I was on my way to my son’s high school graduation ceremony in Chiang Mai Thailand. I left my home in Ka’u… down south on Big Island, Hawaii just after dawn for an hour and half drive to Kona airport… for a domestic flight to Honolulu. My body had been out of balance for the whole of past week with alternating chills and sweats… so I was trying to be quiet and careful along the way, I did not want to arrive in Chiang Mai incapable of enjoying myself.
I had to wait around a while in Honolulu before boarding a flight to Seoul, Korea. I was very tired, not well at all… Six hours later, I was in Seoul, with a three hour lay over ahead. I had manifested a bad cough on the flight as a result of the cold air so I was exhausted when I disembarked.
Deliriously tired… concerned I would lose track of time and miss this crucial flight, I reset my Blackberry to Korea time.
All went well, I made it to the flight to Bangkok in good order and had an uneventful journey over five hours to Thailand… arriving at midnight for a nine hour lay over, before catching the domestic flight to the North, where two of my sons were waiting for me…
My cough had me awake throughout the flight… but the movies, food and service were fine and I was comfortable, relaxed and ready for adventure when I arrived.
Bangkok was a shock to my system!
It was so hot I was sweating from my eye lids… after midnight… on the bus to the hotel!
The hotel was comfortable and those at the front desk were charming.
They offered to call me at 9am for the shuttle bus that left at 9.30am.
My flight was to leave at 10.15am for Chiang Mai… the airport was ten minutes away.
It was hot….! So hot…. I like it hot, but it was really, really hot… I was slithering around the bed in a sea of my own sweat most of the night… there was an air conditioning unit… it blasted freezing cold air into the room… with a great deal of zeal and noise…. the last thing I wanted was another chill… I refrained from using the ‘AC’ more than once to cool down the room.
After a restless night, sweating and coughing, I half opened my eyes and realized it was bright daylight outside… I came to full consciousness… sat bolt upright in a pile of damp bedding and went straight into total panic … what’s the time?
No one woke me up!
I fumbled around for my Blackberry and squinted my eyes sufficiently to see the time… it said 10:01 am!!!
This information absolutely matched my need to panic… I was right! They had all let me down and now I was in trouble..
“Oh God I am going to miss my plane! I’m not going to make it to the graduation…. Oh God what to do…..???”
In fact I prayed furiously, intently, the whole time I packed and dressed… Dear God… make the plane wait… please allow me to be there in time… dear God let me make it to the plane on time may there be a miracle that allows this to happen !
There was and I did!
At this point I want you to know I am including what happened in my emotional body as a result of this momentary experience of potential failure… I wrote them out in point form at the end… so I could see them clearly in the third dimension and not dismiss them in any way. I thought I had dealt with them, but there they were in all their glory chocking me with fear of failure on a Saturday morning in Bangkok… !!!
In certainty of abandonment and failure I hurled all my damp clothes into my bag, quickly dressed, scanned the room for what I might have forgotten and rushed down the three flights of stairs carrying all my luggage at once…(about 35kg or 77lbs) it was a super human effort and had me sweating in fountains, (from places I never knew could sweat.)
By the time I arrived at reception, I was wringing wet and breathless, hardly the put together, stylish world traveler I usually present…
Let’s be clear here… I live in Asia. I am part Asian myself. I own a hotel. I know what crazy tourists are like. I know how Asians are…
And yet, there I was, sweating, panicking, emotional… babbling something about missing my plane and no one keeping their promise to wake me up… By now, everyone is looking at me like I have lost my mind. Asians have this really immutable smile they plaster across their face when things are getting out of their control or understanding… they simply smile and nod and hope you go away soon because you are disturbing the peace… it is the most frustrating look you can imagine… and just as I was about to launch into a new stream of unintelligible emotional madness focused on the innocent receptionist, I noticed the clock on the wall behind her…. It said 8:10 am.
I got the joke immediately…
…my blackberry was still set on Korea time and I was not late… in fact I was very early!
Nothing I imagined was true, was real…
I had made it all up in an instant… I had punished myself for no reason… simply because I was out of present time!
Including the miracle of God answering my prayers and allowing me to be on that plane!
My greatest fears
1. No one cares
2. People promise to help but don’t
3. Not because they don’t want to but because they are so stupid
4. Everyone blames everyone else and no one is actually accountable… and I am left unsupported
5. I will fail the ones I love and they will see I am unworthy of their love and respect…
6. I will do more than my best and still fail because I will be sabotaged… by the ones whom I trusted when they said they would help me!
7. There is not enough time…. I can’t make it, I need a miracle!
8. They have made it impossible to succeed and its not my fault
9. They are amused and entertained by my failure…
10. They have no compassion for me, I appear to be from another planet, they hardly know what I am talking about and do not feel responsible…
11. I am on my own, not even the normal support systems can help me… I am ready to believe the shuttle bus left without me… !
12. I have to try harder than everyone else…. And I have to do it on my own… other people get help, have partners who love them but not me! I am alone and unaided… bound to fail!
13. If I don’t arrive on time everyone will blame me for not caring enough.
14. If I fail to arrive for the graduation everyone will be right that I don’t really care about anyone but myself….
15. Whatever I do it’s never enough… I am not strong enough or clever enough or smart enough or lovable enough to get it right… to receive support, to be nurtured and loved with gentleness along the way.
And on and on and on I could go with the barrage of self criticism that came through my mind and heart and every cell of my body over that nine minutes… only nine minutes!
Can you imagine?!
I entered a kind of purgatory, self inflicted for nine minutes and my whole life flashed before me… every painful unkept promise, every sad lonely moment of fear of failure… hopefully it came to the surface for the purpose of release and healing! Like a big boil… bursting forth with the hidden poisons of my unconscious beliefs.
On reflection I feel it was a setup by my Guides and Angels so I could have the experience and get the lesson.
Every other time, in every other country I would simply set my own alarm if I had a connection to make. I was tricked in a moment of weakness to allow myself to be vulnerable to my own greatest fears… on arrival at reception so late in the evening, I was feeling fragile and was touched by the young Thai woman’s warm smile and offer of a wake up call I did not do what I would usually do and take care of myself… after all, I am the need nothing want nothing child of an alcoholic household and I don’t usually trust anyone to take care of me…. It was a set up to show me where I am unhealed… or perhaps how much power I have to create what I “expect”… so… the secret must lay in changing what I expect… at the deepest level.
My question is this…
How can I train my unconscious to believe wonderful things about myself and my lovability?
To expect the best!
How can I use it to create a successful Creative Arts festival in Ocean View Hawaii?
How can I use it to share the excitement of building Oga Oga in Bali next March during Nyipi?
How can I share my true and deep love for my fellow travelers on Earth’s highways?
How can we use our power of “expectation” in service to The Greater Good?
How can I refocus this power of manifestation of expectations to the attraction of all I need to fulfill all my dreams for peace and prosperity on earth for everyone?
I’m working on it… you can too!
I’ll let you know how it turns out… feel free to let me know how it turns out for you too… perhaps this is the greatest power of the common man ?
Our expectations manifest our reality…
….make sure you stay in present time and love yourself and everyone else, unconditionally!
Blazing tales of wonder, your sister through chaos and comfort, … remembering all we have ever been and are about to become…
Blessings from Shankari the Alchemist xxxx