I wrote my first story when I was eight years old. It was about a flying dragon, it was seven pages long… no one else in my class had been so ambitious. It was in very big handwriting, simple thoughts, but what I received from the experience was a great sense of freedom and expansion.
Writing could take me anywhere I wanted to go on the inside. The terrain was safe because I could do it by myself and did not need others to ‘come out and play’.
Writing meant I could be fully engaged in my own mystery world, safe and evolving away from the mainstream, which always seemed so ignorant and boisterous. You see, I am truly a hermit at heart!
I wrote my first book over a very long period, six years and it’s still not really out there because it was very personal and biographical and there are parts of me that are not as resolved and forgiven as I would wish. Some part is dedicated to success and there are other parts that are not, because they feel unworthy or wrong or weak and stupid.
Self forgiveness…there is no greater healing tool on earth.
I believe everyone is in a constant dialogue with themselves, trying to find their way through to happiness… fulfillment.
For a long time I felt I had no permission to write because everyone needed me more; the kids, the job, the company, the staff — everything and everyone came first because I had it hooked up that I had to help everyone else into their success before I could have time for my own!
In the end this leaves people resentful and I was on my way when I was stopped by these profound words…
“You are their role model, no matter how hard you try to help them be successful they will never know how to experience success until you show them what it looks like and you can’t do that from the back of the room.
You must walk to the front of the room and be seen for who you are!”
In that moment, I felt as if the scales had fallen from my eyes. Now I had permission to explore the way to my own success through writing; which is a very solitary pursuit. I would feel guilty for shutting everyone out in order to write.
These days I feel as if writing is one of the gifts of my life… that I have such a rich and fulfilling inner world that sustains me and allows me to share my wisdom and my joy with the greater world.
In the mean time, while I was busy putting my writing on hold so I could support my family into their success, they were just busy picking up on my deep resentment so no one was benefited by my martyrdom. Never do it, it’s such a waste of time; the kids I love so much don’t really understand the details they just feel the energy and the energy was not balanced.
As I write in my new book “Art as a Healing Force”, I believe… and have a knowing born of experience, that Art, Music, Magic, Meditation and our Experience of God are all rolled into one great field of energy.
Like a gemstone with many faces, each face represents a different access point to the same world of Divine Force — the energy that allows us to turn inward and fall in love with the God Force as it expresses through ourselves and each other.
From the outside, it may look like it is an access point to somewhere completely different… but once you have begun your exploration in earnest, you will discover as all the great artists always do… that they all lead to the same place — to a personal relationship with The God Force.
My work as an author and my work as a jewelry designer is one and the same. In both I am sharing my experience of Divine Force and in the process I am looking for ways to serve the community.
Ways to empower, educate and strengthen the individual; to share beauty, creativity, strength. And through these qualities, open the heart chakra, releasing fear and doubt. making way for a new you, better informed, more connected to each other and to your Source.
Healthier and happier and of more genuine service to the world around you — that is what most of us truly desire. We are not really all greedy looking for lots of cash. What we want is the sense of security and worth that cash is supposed to provide us — the ‘safety net’, the ‘security blanket’.
Artists, writers… in fact anyone with true experience will tell you, those things are not actually available through the accumulation of money. That is a lie perpetrated by those factions that want to keep us all in nice tidy boxes.
Thank God for the artists of the world, they just keep on keeping on.
I am proud to say I am one of these fringe dwellers, through my writing, my jewelry, my gardens, my drawings, my mosaics, my music and my meditation…
I want to help the world around me become more balanced and empowered, in love with the beauty of The God Force as it shines through us into the world and shines back to us from our actions in the world.
It’s never about what you ‘say’ you will do or can do.
It’s about what you are doing now… today!
My advice to everyone is find something you love to do and do it everyday… sing, dance, write, draw, design jewelry, become a blessing in your world and share your joy with others less fortunate.